no haiku tonight

02.29.08

This week, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I've been given a new pill that will make everything better, along with something to help me sleep. When I took the sleeping pill on Tuesday night, I slept until 5pm today. Oh, sure sure, I got up and went to work when I had to, but I skipped my classes (again) and stayed in bed for as long as possible. I don't feel rested, just tired and sick to death of wasting time in the hallowed halls of higher education.

My recent diagnosis was of no surprise to me, as I've been trying to tell my parents for years that I couldn't control my mind and needed help. But there is still a sense of shock - like it was something unexpected. I continued through the week like nothing was different, though I had fundamentally changed. Before, I was just crazy and couldn't figure out why I'd go from joy to panic in a matter of hours. Before I was inexplicably unusual. Now I have a label. It's so strange to me, but I get it. I understand. I just wish it was something else, something temporary. I will swallow a pill every day for the rest of my life. That's hard to grasp.

Soon (in two hours) I will be taking the train to Pittsburgh. It's a pilgrimage I've taken once before, under different circumstances. I'm excited and eager to see the city again, even more excited to see Joel, the wondrous creature who has permeated through years of post-pubescent decadence. This weekend will provide the respite I've been desperately searching for. A chance to take in Life and all she has planned for me, as well as a moment to catch my breath and start back into school.

When I return, there will be change. I will go to class and read and do my homework and get all A's.

I think.

before after